Rule #7: Never Lose the Friend
Growing up, I was frequently told, "Never win the argument, but lose the friend." For someone as argumentative and competitive as myself, this was good advice. Unfortunately, I didn't always follow it.
A few years back, I was on tour with my band No Longer Music in New Zealand. This is not a typical band. We use theater, video, and special effects to depict the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. We perform in public squares, parks, and venues and finish with a verbal proclamation of the Gospel.
After one show, I approached a guy who seemed particularly drawn to our performance. I asked him what he thought of our message, and he said abruptly, "I don't believe in God!"
I asked him why, and he said somewhat smugly, "because of science." I asked him to be more specific, and he said, "well, evolution for starters." I tried to respond to his questions, but my tone was aggressive, and only later did I realize that my heart wasn't broken for him at all. I did way too much of the talking, but nothing I said made any difference whatsoever. The conversation ended, and I felt defeated.
"I have so many good things to say, and I am clearly right! Why was he so unconvinced?" Only later did I realize that for all of my clever comebacks and communication skills, I had lost sight of the point. People are the point.
When talking about difficult "hot topics," it's easy to forget what matters most. Consider the words of the Apostle Paul,
"if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1)
There is no ambiguity here. Nothing matters more than love. If we genuinely love someone, we will succeed, but if we speak the truth but don't care, we've lost—every time.
Ultimately, every "hot topic" involves people, and God loves everyone ferociously, so much so that He was willing to send Jesus to die to set us free.
Ruthlessly examine your motives. What is it about the economy, the government, gender, or racism that stirs up such passion in your heart? Is it a genuine love for the people involved? Or is it a desire to win an argument?
If we don't love the people around us, especially those who are unlike us, then we'd be better off staying silent. Because as it is, there are too many Christian gongs and cymbals.
Have great arguments, just don't lose friends in the process.
Thank you for reading part 7 of our series, "8 Rules for Discussing ‘Hot Topics' like Jesus Did." If you find these posts helpful, share them with a friend. Try using these rules in a conversation with them on a topic that you disagree on. And check in next week to read the final installment.